Utterly Monkey by Nick Laird

Author:Nick Laird
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2010-11-30T05:00:00+00:00

Geordie hadn’t wanted to call him. He hated being made to look stupid. He was always the fall guy and the whipping boy and the scapegoat. And this had turned out no differently. He had to tell Danny that the money had gone back to them, to Budgie and Ian, and he had to ring Janice and tell her to get ready to leave, but he couldn’t find his mobile. Surely someone hadn’t nicked it? They’d all dressed nice and had that healthy shine that money gives. Geordie rang his own number with Danny’s terrestrial phone. One of Danny’s shoes in the boxroom started vibrating. It must have fallen off the shelf and landed in it.

Across the Irish Sea Danny was cheerful. It turned out Scott, the Australian, had been both methodical and industrious, and there were only eight boxes of contracts for them to index and review. They should easily be finished by five. Danny was sitting in a large meeting room at the back of the building. From it you could see the Lisamore River, a few hundred metres away in open countryside. When his phone rang he’d excused himself from the two Ulster Water admin staff that were searching for missing documents, and moved across to the window. The river looked solid and grey in the afternoon light, like a road winding through the fields. He didn’t recognize the number displayed on his phone.

‘Hello?’

‘Dan, it’s Geordie.’

‘All right mate.’

‘You know Ian?’

‘The bloke from last night?’

‘Yeah. It turns out he knows Budgie.’

‘You’re joking.’

‘No joke, and he’s just been round here and tore me to ribbons. Smacked me in the face with the front door…’ Geordie sniffed, reminded.

‘Fuck. Did he get the money?’ Danny was suddenly aware of the other occupants of the room. Ellen was next door but the two administrators, both fifty-something women, were looking at him horrified. One of them was clutching the cross that hung around her neck. Danny nodded at them, smiled reassuringly, and stepped into the corridor. He hadn’t heard Geordie’s reply.

‘Well? Did he get the money?’

‘I said yeah. I tried to bluff him, tell him I didn’t have it but he’s a fucking animal. My chest…I think he might have broke one of my ribs.’

‘You’ll be all right. Is my door okay?’

‘Fuck off. Your door’s fine.’

‘What about the rest of the flat, did he break anything?’

Geordie grimaced.

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